I have recently discovered a couple of mice in the apartment in which I live. I’m not surprised that they are here because the apartment is really more of a barn in the country, and mice, as my land lord tells me, are a normal thing. So, I don’t really have a problem with them, I do however, have a problem with them surprising me. The first time I saw a mouse here was in the laundry room. I had a couple boxes of things leftover from moving that I couldn’t really find a place for and I needed something from one of those boxes. So I began mulling around in one of them, looking for a DVD or something, and a mouse jumped out of the box and scurried across the floor. I am not scared of mice, but I am a very jumpy person, I hate to be surprised, especially if that surprise has a weird furry tail. The second incident happened a week or two later. I was in the kitchen and went to grab a towel from the drawer, and the same thing happened; grabbed a towel and out pops Mr. Mouse, and he scurried across the floor back into another cabinet. But this time, I saw where he was coming and going from. A little hole under the sink. So the next day, I went out and bought a few mouse traps. I spread a drop of peanut butter on the trap, set it, and place it near the hole. I also placed another one in the laundry room. And then, I waited.
I guess I have to include myself in the generation of folks who want everything and want it immeadiately, because for some reason I just assumed that the mouse would get crushed very quickly. I went to the other side of my apartment, and waited to hear a snap. A couple hours went by with no snap. I turned off the lights, the volume down on the TV, (if Criminal Minds hadn’t been on, I would have shut the TV off, but I just can’t say no to that show) and I continued to wait.
The anticipation was killing me. It was as if I had a heightened sense of hearing, just waiting for the snap.
Last night, I went to my friend’s wedding. I always love a good wedding. The music was playing as everyone was walking in, and then the ushers began sitting the family down on the first row. Grandparents and mothers found their place in the front, as the preacher and the groom came in. The groomsmen and the bridesmaids all came in as well.
Then the music stopped. And there was a long pause.
The anticipation of the bride. We all knew that the traditional bride’s march song was about to play. We all stood up, and looked back, and waited for the organ to begin playing.
The waiting reminded me of the mouse, waiting to hear the snap of the trap.
This is where my life is right now, in an anticipatory moment.
I’m stuck in between these two moments in my current history, one brings death, the other a bride.
One road leads to self destruction and the other to freedom.
Christ is the Bride I am waiting on. Getting lost in my sins is the trap that is set with the sweet things of life that seem good at the time until I press just a little too hard and I get the snap I have been waiting for.
It’s hard to live in the anticipation of things, it’s a painful place. Sort of like standing in your doorway on a cold day, the cold winds hitting your face and the warmth of your house at your back. I guess that living in anticipation is what drives people crazy, because you have hope that the Bride is coming for you, but you don’t hear the music.
It’s just silent. And even though you know that Christ is coming for you, ready to sweep you off your feet, in this moment of anticipation, you question and you doubt. I know God is far from done with me right now. I know he has been waiting on me also, maybe to get some things cleared up before we can move on together, but I feel like we are going there.
But for now, I’m stuck between a snap and a song, and my life could go either way right now. And that is scary.
But I think I hear the organs now, and death’s snap is muffled in the music of life.